You can go home again, kinda
Matty O can't forget the Abbey. His Abbey friends won't either.
Abbey Class President and Student Body President Matt Ottaviani gives his graduation speech in May 2004.
Like many Abbey graduates, there’s a special place in Matt Ottaviani’s heart for his alma mater.
A planned April visit to North Carolina turned into a meetup for Belmont Abbey College friends, making for an informal 20-year reunion.
The New Jersey-born Canadian resident brought his husband and daughter to Charlotte's Olde Mecklenburg Brewery to meet up with some professors and school friends.
After that, it was just a quick trip to Belmont. The trio caught up with longtime monks Br. Paul Shanley and Fr. David Brown for a bit.
"There's so much to love within that campus," Ottaviani said. "Brother Paul and Father David were so loving and warm."
Ottaviani attended the Abbey from 2000 to 2004 and stayed busy. He was student body president, senior class president, community service program student coordinator, tennis player and all-around good guy.
He looks back at those Abbey memories with the fun, friends and the good times on the small southern campus. And then there's another meaningful moment — a decision to come out as a homosexual in February 2004 in a student newspaper article.
Destined for Belmont
Ottaviani said the Abbey's well-known reputation and diversity brought him south. The opportunity to play tennis at college helped, too.
"Belmont Abbey was really well-known at my high school," he said. "It was incredibly diverse. There wasn't just Catholic kids (coming to the school)."
A guidance counselor helped Matt understand the Abbey's diverse student body. He recalled promotional material, boasting a diverse student body from 39 states and 18 countries attending the small Belmont school. Former Abbey tennis coach and athletics director Mike Reidy recruited him.
"It was a magical place. I really appreciated the school and felt I was really drawn to the community," Ottaviani said. "There was acceptance from all walks of life there, and I felt very safe."
Ottaviani made the most of his Abbey time. But, by senior year, he felt a change in the school's atmosphere.
"I was struggling with a lot of judgment I heard (from other students) in classes," he said. "At the same time, I wasn't challenging it."
He wanted to do something to combat negativity towards homosexuality as a campus leader.
"I wanted to use the platform I had."
Ottaviani connected with Elizabeth Elliott, and soon, a front-page story came to life in The Crusader, the school newspaper.
"I just thought that it would be the best way to stop people in their tracks," he said in June. "The title of the article, Fear or Understand it -- It was appropriate."
Newspaper advisor Dr. Martin Harris remembered how his small staff of student journalists handled the announcement. Harris taught English classes at the Abbey for ten years, achieving tenure.
Harris recalled Ottaviani coming to the staff about making an announcement. Overall, the staff seemed "pretty positive" about what they would go on to do that edition.
"(The staff) put themselves out there and got involved in the conversation," Harris said.
Harris recalled Ottaviani wanting to "be helpful and make things better." He knew Ottaviani from his classes and community involvement. At the same time, Harris recognized the challenge of any student coming out to any college, especially in 2004.
"I admire him for it," Harris said. "It was glad to help with it, help him and what he wanted to do (with the announcement)."
Harris recalled Solari's involvement in the conversation at the beginning. Solari's Catholic-grounded response and call to respect Ottaviani as a fellow student. (When contacted in June, Solari recalled the articles and said he had nothing to add to this piece. But he said he passed along his regards and would be happy to see the former student again.)
Making news
Ottaviani recently recalled the 2004 newspaper issue, saying he knew the decision to come out was challenging but that he "knew he had to do it." Just months later, Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage. By 2015, the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal in all 50 states.
"If I look at my 21-year-old self," the 42-year-old said recently. "It's a little weird. It was strange to reflect on. I wasn't doing it for credit. I was friends with these students and was looking to shake it up."
"I would've been disappointed in myself if I left (school) without doing it."
Ottaviani recalls talking about his journey with a monk named Brother Augustino and the Abbot. He remembers Solari wanting to help him get resources. Ottaviani considered Solari an "ally" throughout the experience as the monk encouraged him to talk with people who could help.
Of course, there were drawbacks personally -- and likely -- socially.
"I was more than certain that I was ready to tell the important people in my life, but I certainly wasn't ready for a negative reaction," he told Elliott in the newspaper story. "I remember thinking it would be detrimental if my closest friends, both home and school, would become my worst enemies and that my family would disown me when I told them I am gay."
But, to him, the article announcement was "time."
"My intentions are in no way to promote homosexuality at the Abbey but to bring awareness to the issues and difficulties that many other homosexuals and I have to face in life," he said in the article.
Progress over the years?
In the years following, Belmont Abbey College has worked toward a Title IX exemption to protect its religious freedom. Its decisions have put it on a list of the worst, most unsafe campuses for LGBTQ+ youth. To some alumni, there’s mixed feelings.
But maybe there's still an ongoing conversation among Catholic schools.
Past bedrock institutions like Georgetown and Notre Dame have embraced a path to diversity and inclusiveness over the years.
One person who has seen the growth is New Ways Ministry associate director Robert Shine, a Catholic LGBT+ ministry managing director who recently weighed in on Ottaviani's decision.
"What should not be lost amid the progress today, however, is the students, faculty, and staff who advocated and witnessed — sometimes for years, if not decades — to make Catholic institutions more welcoming in a more hostile time," Shine said. "The decisions by Matt Ottaviani and other students at Catholic schools to come out was courageous but essential in producing change."
Shine's group recognizes 140 Catholic colleges and universities as friendly toward the LGBT+ community. His college experiences involved attending a conservative Catholic university and organizing for LGBTQ+ students at his alma mater.
Over the years, Shine has seen the value in Catholic higher education and the "wider Church on LGBTQ+ inclusion, particularly in recent decades and in the model of Pope Francis."
He said those progressive Catholic schools have "worked to prioritize the well-being and rights of LGBTQ+ people" through the creation of student support groups, implementation of non-discrimination policies, hosting Pride events, offering gender-neutral housing, holding affirming education events, and even creating and staffing entire LGBTQ+ resource centers."
Shine admits that progress is a model for the entire church as it grows.
The New Ways Ministry leader, who has written about Belmont Abbey College in the past, said he recently learned the Ottaviani newspaper coverage. He was amazed by the student newspaper's work, calling it "such an honest, transparent conversation, especially for 2004!"
"I am amazed at the compassionate and nuanced, though imperfect response, offered by other Belmont Abbey students and even the school's leader in 2004," he said.
Could that 20-year-old authentic moment be of value in these times?
"It is an eminently Catholic act to return to our tradition in finding answers to today's questions. In that vein, it seems Belmont Abbey College's campus conversation about homosexuality in 2004 could be a rich source of reflection for the community today."
Of course, it will take time.
Ottaviani said for years after graduation that coming back to Belmont wasn't for him.
At times, seeing Belmont Abbey College on his resume seems out of place to the former student in 2024.
“I didn't have a desire to come back (at first) because of the changes the school went through in 2004 and all the years after,” he said. “I live life as a happy and successful gay man, husband and father. I have to think that one day, The Abbey will return to a place of love and accepting all the lives that are so lucky to call it home.”
But his husband, friends, and monks know how much this little place means to his heart. That's a feeling you can't shake.